The Art of Listening

It’s a course at McGill, “The Art of Listening”; probably the greatest bird course the institution has to offer. Nearly everyone I knew took it at one point or another. I did not, and although I doubt many of my classmates actually attended the lectures when enrolled in this course, I wish, more than ever, that I had taken it.

As the 6-month marks fast approaches, I am understanding this “art” like never before. In fact, I blame my recent lack of blogging on this very craft. When I actually have time to sit down and write, I am usually so rapt and inundated that I cannot possibly dream of personal creation. Be it a new Azeri phrase I learned (i.e. “hech na olmaz” [don’t worry about it]), a new grant opportunity I found, a good book I read (currently Half The Sky), an entertaining movie I watched to attempt to unwind, words of encouragement from friends and family back home, or a comment from a student that completely floored me (see below), I have more reasons than ever to keep my mouth shut (and fingers still) and my eyes and ears open.

I am learning to become absolutely content following. In fact, here, it seems to be the most effective form of leadership. The line that divides strong leadership and mere support grows hazier each day. This is not a new concept; I am not writing about some groundbreaking discovery in the field of international development. However, in this time of great personal growth and discovery, it becomes clearer everyday that the answer to nearly every problem, every uncertainty, is simply to listen. The way to complete communal inclusion and sustainable development is through the ears, not the mouth.

My family here in Balakan is far quieter than my first family in Khirdalan. Granted the children are older, but in general they keep to themselves more. This initially made learning about one another quite a chore. In the Dibirov house, many nights can be spent in near silence, save for the television, of course. My brother will play computer games all night while my host father shakes his head at the TV, my sister looks through the same 20 pictures on her cell phone over and over again, and my host mother sits in front of the peç grunting, “Ay Allah” because of the cold or back pain or a combination of them both. At first, I forced conversations or gave up entirely and retired to my own room, expecting that they had no interest in me. However, I have learned. I sit and wait, and enjoy the silence. Our best, most enlightening conversations, where we shared our cultures with one another, have come after 30 or 40 minutes of not talking at all. Eventually, a comment will be made or a question will be asked, and it might be another hour before we are silent again. Then, we start over, silent until the next conversation is had. This is a minor anecdote, but it very effectively reflects my work and experience in Azerbaijan thus far. Patience and attention have been the keys to my success.

On a somewhat related note, today, I met the face of Azerbaijan’s future, and it couldn’t look more promising! This glimpse into the future took the form of three 12-year-old girls in my newest conversation club.

A little context first: Balakan is the northern-most region of Azerbaijan. It is a lovely place to live: small yet bustling, affable yet so foreign. The city perfectly reflects the kind of work that I, up until now, have undertaken…small and simple. For a country so small (about the size of Maine), its regions could not be more diverse. Some volunteers are placed in larger cities and spend their days working with energetic university students who are fluent in English. Others, like myself, are assigned to smaller cities and towns where education may be secondary and motivation a little lacking. If you were looking at our work from the outside, you’d never know that we all worked in same country. For me, motivated youth are somewhat of a commodity, so whenever I do meet these kinds of kids, I snatch them up as quickly as possible (in a non kidnapper way). This is why these girls were such a treat.

For our first session, I wanted to make the lesson simple and fun. For the youth of Balakan, I want my clubs to be a break from school, not a supplement. Most students spend all day in school, and then all evening in private lessons…it’s universally accepted that schools are not sufficient in providing children with a proper education. My hope is for my clubs and my “resource room” to become a refuge for youth, a place where they can come, unwind, share ideas, and hopefully learn a little bit about themselves. That being said, our first lesson was to make a list of adjectives that they thought described them. After we made that list, we drew pictures, with our names written vertically and adjectives written horizontally based on the letters that make up your name. Upon completion, we shared ours and explained why we chose these words specifically. Könül (which means heart in Azeri) presented first. At the bottom of her drawing, ornately decorated with butterflies and hearts were these words: “I hate bribe! I want justed!” She explained that her group of friends and her (mind you they are 12) are known as “Antibribe” because of their commitment to stopping corruption in this country. I was so touched by their maturity and awareness, despite the little spelling mistake (justed = justice). They are mature far beyond their years and more perceptive than many people twice or three times their age. I am so fortunate to have met them and cannot wait to see their growth over the next year and a half.

Snowman (Gar Baba) made by my host siblings...it melted completely by the end of the day.

Where the taxi driver stopped about 30 minutes outside of the town of Ilisu because he could not get his car up the hill any further. We were going for a 7km hike to hot springs.

The valley we were about to hike

Homemade gaiters!

Not the best of conditions

Pretty beautiful though

Trey braving the river on the way back

Today's Top Stories: Fresh bread...Oh Ya, And A Revolution in Egypt

My family watches the news often. At first, I was quite impressed. However, it seems as though very few occurrences in the past month have sparked any interest. Mubarak’s departure from office was met with about 5 seconds of attention. My host father mentioned it in passing as he flipped channels, as if it were no more important than Lindsey Lohan beginning another stint in rehab. I don’t mean to be judgmental, I just figured that such momentous events would be met with more interest, and dare I say, pride. The news seems to serve more as a noise filler than a source of information. Additionally, the more I watch the news and the more my language skills improve, the more I see how useless a lot of the news stations are. They are the same sensationalist crap that we are plagued with in the US. Car accidents and bank robberies are given as much coverage as the protests in Egypt and floods in Australia. It’s no surprise that the worst culprit of this is FOX Turkey!

Realistically, the greatest news source for my family is the sheet of newspaper that bread is wrapped in when it is bought at the store every morning. Honestly, after the bread is sliced, the paper is diligently read by the host family one at a time, regardless of the section of the newspaper or its publication date, which is usually quite old!

Students learning Thriller

My adopted school: Nizami

The best school in the region...also the oldest (it needs work)

Balqabaq Xengel (pumpkin dumplings) made by Trey's host family

Stephanie, Trey, and Trey's host family

A Day In Balakan

Two months into my service, here is a look at a day as a youth development facilitator in Balakan, Azerbaijan:

8:30am – Woke up to the incessant sounds of chickens outside my window and my family getting ready for work on the other side of the thin door that separates my room from the main area of the house.

8:35am – Yoga in my room. In the winter, there is usually no water in the morning because the pipes are frozen and my family only has hot water on Sunday afternoons. Thus, yoga is a great way to stay in shape and keep warm without getting to sweaty and smelly.

9:00am – Wrote a blog, checked the score of the Habs game (a big win over the Panthers), and checked the news for more information on the protests in Egypt while drinking a cup of tea and eating stale bread with fresh honey (made by my host father) and pear jam (made by my host mother).

10:00am – Went to the ExComm building (Executive Committee) to speak with the Minister of Youth and Sport about the “Writing Olympics”, a Peace Corps initiative that has now spread to 11 countries. The Writing Olympics gives students the opportunity to express themselves creatively in English. Students from 6^th form all the way through 4^th year of university write an essay in response to a uniform topic, based on age, that they are not told about ahead of time. A panel of Peace Corps judges then selects winners, both nationally and internationally.

10:45am – Waited in line to get money out of the one functional ATM in the city…it’s quite a process! People have no concept of lines when it comes to ATMs, and despite having ATMs for a few years now, no one seems to know how to use them.

11:00am – Ran to the store of my friend Farid’s family to see if they knew a repairman who could help my sitemate Bailey, whose water pipe exploded.

11:30am – Stopped by my office to drop off my backpack.

11:45am – Walked to Nizami School for my new dance club.

12:00pm – Despite uncomfortable teens, confused teachers, and about 1,000 requests for me to break-dance, the club was a huge success! I co-facilitate the club with my friend Jessica, who lives about 30 minutes away in Zaqatala region and is the one who actually knows how to dance. After about 10 minutes of deliberation amongst the students at the end of class, it was decided that we would begin learning the Thriller dance by Michael Jackson next week. Is a flash mob on the way? I hope so!

1:15pm – Bought Jessica lentil soup for lunch at a local Turkish restaurant – our arrangement for her coming to teach the dance club every week.

2:00pm – Stopped by the children’s hospital where Stephanie and I facilitate a conversation club with all of the nurses. Unfortunately, I could not stay. I had to run to Bailey’s school (she is a TEFL) to fill in for her while she waited for the repairman to come and fix her exploded water pipe. Her students were quite confused at first, but once I pulled out the UNO cards and they realized that we would be playing a game, they loosened up!

4:15pm – Following Bailey’s two classes, I made my way to the newly discovered children’s library to have tea with the director. Despite not having a floor (literally, the floor boards are completely rotted through and you must hop from support beam to beam), the building and the women who run it are tremendous resources to have. We discussed my role in the community and I learned about the various clubs and programs that the two women run, primarily in the summertime.

5:00pm –Stopped by my office to see if anyone had left me a note and then walked home.

5:15pm – Worked out and watched a couple episodes of “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” in order to unwind after a busy day.

6:00pm – Miraculously, I took a shower! My host mother and sister decided to put almond oil in their hair. Apparently, keeping almond oil in your hair for about an hour helps to make it longer. Anyway, they needed to shower after, so the water in the kalonka (Russian for water tank) had been heated. Knowing that I would be gone for the weekend, they offered me a shower!

6:30pm – Headed over to Stephanie’s house for our weekly Balakan PCV dinner (Me, Stephanie, Bailey, Trey). Stephanie made bean burgers! We feasted and discussed potential project ideas.

11:00pm – After having their minds blown by the hilarity and stupidity that is the “Trailer Park Boys” (this may be a figment of my imagination), I decided to go home, utterly exhausted.

*Important note:

I must admit that, although I recorded this day randomly, it was extraordinarily busy and successful. Not all days are like this. Most days are, in fact, not like this. Take today, Wednesday, for example: 

I had 3 clubs planned. No one showed up for my first club because of some mystery holiday. Later, at about 10 minutes until 3pm, on my way to another club with Stephanie at her school, my counterpart Sayyara came to pick me up and take me to some unknown event that was to start at 3pm. Not quite clear about what exactly the event was, and mildly annoyed that she had not given me any advanced notice, I declined the invitation and went to the club. Only one student showed up to our club. I left early, and upon returning to my office, I found out from one of the office assistants that the event was an opportunity for me to meet all of the university students that were back in Balakan for the week on break. This would have been an invaluable opportunity. Unfortunately, and very frustratingly, I missed it.

At 4pm, a number of older students came to my office to watch a movie. We watched the first half of Rush Hour 1 (in English with English subtitles) and talked about all of the slang used by Chris Tucker in the movie. They loved it! I was even able to explain to them why the men in the bar were mad when Jackie Chan said, “What’s up my ni****?” Most Azeris are not aware that the N-word is offensive, as they only ever hear it in American rap videos. Consequently, they innocently use this word to describe any black volunteer or actor that they see. 

Despite its simplicity, I’ll count this last club as a win.

The view from my house in the evening

My office!!!

My cluster at our teacher Ilaha's house in Ganja for her birthday

Ilaha and I...ya, she has a thing for my flat-brimmed hats

Thought this was funny

Ilaha sportin' the Red, White, and Blue

PCV's watching the Superbowl in Ganja at 5am!

Go Packers!!!

You Go Girl!

As January came to an end and February arrived, so too did the rain and snow. It has not been quite cold enough for the snow to really stick, but you cannot help being discouraged from leaving the comforts of your peç-heated home when you wake up most mornings to a cold, slushy sleet and muddy sidewalks. For a YD’er, however, staying home really is not an option. Here’s why:

In the wintertime here, people shut down completely – much more so than they do in America or Canada. As a volunteer, and especially as a YD, it is a challenge you have to just accept. Work, school, and tutors carry on, but activity outside of these essentials comes to a screeching halt. For someone who is meant to work with youth after school, this is an overwhelming obstacle. The weekends especially are an interesting challenge.

Back home, even in the winter, the weekends were a time for rest and relaxation. The same goes for here. Simple. However, back home, Saturdays and Sundays were also a time to catch up on work, be active and play sports, and generally take care of tasks you usually did not have time for during the busy week. Here, in winter, they really like to stick to that whole “rest and relaxation” mantra on the weekend. Most people do nothing, and I seriously mean nothing. Short of getting out of bed in order to move to the couch and opening your mouth to eat, you do absolutely nothing productive! (Sounds a lot like my brother Adam! You'd fit in well here buddy!)

Now, before I go on, I must admit that the other extreme, the “go go go” busy-bee attitude of the western world (MOM) I came from has its problems as well. In training, we talked about the “art of sitting”. We discussed how the western world mistakenly perceives much of the developing world as lazy when they see footage of men and women sitting and simply talking for hours on end. “Where could they possibly find the time? How lazy are they! Don’t they want a better life?” Although this can, at times, be attributed to social problems like unemployment and general idleness, it is most often just the way of many cultures. Social interaction is a central part of everyday life. Dialogue is far more valued than it is back home. I have come to very much enjoy this tradition and believe that Canada and America could stand to slow it down a few notches, spending a little bit more time stopping and listening.

I digress. More often than I would like, when I propose a project, or even just a soccer game, I am immediately dismissed and told, “yayda, yayda” (in the summer, in the summer). I have only been in Balakan for two months, but thus far it seems as though people are perfectly content doing things for the few summer months and then retiring to their televisions for the remainder of the year. Such indolence is especially distressing for a YD’er.

This has never been more evident than it was this past weekend. On Saturdays, I have two clubs: an exercise club at the Olympic center for girls only, and a general sports club later in the day for anyone interested (it is only boys at this point). The exercise club for girls is meant to educate them on the benefits of physical activity (which they are usually discouraged from) and show them that they have just as much right to use athletic facilities like the “boys club” that is the Olympic complex. This past Saturday, it was especially miserable outside, but I was to meet my girls at 9:30am. Honestly, I had no interest in going and secretly hoped that no one would show up. As any PCV in Azerbaijan will tell you, the likelihood of anyone showing up in those conditions is extremely poor. Nevertheless, as I turned the corner onto the street where I was to meet the girls, there they all were, soaked and clearly cold, but unmistakably excited. We spent two wonderful hours playing volleyball and learning how to stretch!

I came home approximately an hour before the other sports club was to begin. The boys and I had planned on playing baseball, but because it was raining out, I had arranged for us to also go to the Olympic center free of charge, an arrangement I thought would be met with much excitement. My host brother and cousin were the first to back out. Despite the fact that we could take a bus to the center and play indoors, the weather was apparently just too bad to warrant leaving the couch and the computer. I did my best to convince them, but it was to no avail. One by one, my other boys called me, all citing the weather as their reason for not wanting to come. Just like that, my afternoon freed up. 

I sought to understand why exactly strapping young boys would so easily shy away from the opportunity to play sports and be active. As a kid, I would spend days on end at Twombly, our town’s outdoor rink, playing hockey, be it ice hockey in the dead of winter or roller hockey during the scorching summer months. You could not get my friends and me off that rink! Despite my incessant questioning and personal anecdotes, I got no answer other than, “It’s winter, in the summer we will.”

Despite this let down, I must admit how refreshing it was when I saw those girls waiting for me outside, excited to let loose and have some fun. To see these dainty girls “roughing it” all in the name of fun and one-upping their male peers was quite inspiring. I have had a smile on my face ever since! Such dedication and energy speaks volumes to the dazzling youth I have surrounded myself with. How fortunate I am.

As the title reads, “YOU GO GIRL!”

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In other news, the Minister of Youth & Sport in Balakan hosted a party to celebrate national youth day, February 2. The PCVs of Balakan were the guests of honor. I sadly must report that I have once again landed in a country that does not respect me for my dancing skills. After being duped into dancing in front of the roughly 200 guests, the MC acknowledged my performance, “Thank you Jake for that interesting dance.” I just cannot win!

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I would also like to share with you a comment that I received from my great aunt Edie, a woman I adore more than anyone else on the face of this earth! Regarding the conversation about senior independence that I had with my host family a couple of weeks back, she keenly pointed out that:

As a first generation child of Russian-Jewish immigrants, we did exactly the same as they - we lived in small neighborhoods with large extended families and this was possible, but after WW11, kids went where the job opportunities were and thus came what we call the "nuclear family". We still care as much but have to have different arrangements.

Thank you Edie!

Never Take Your Telephone Into The Bathroom

The Ibayev family with their New Year's tree (Yolka)

Old, scary cemetery

The first frost

Creepy cemetery again

Above the clouds

The fog covering the city of Balakan below

I write this blog to you on a most unfortunate day. As you can probably guess from the title of the post, I brought my telephone (my lifeline in this country) into the bathroom. What happened next you can probably guess.

The most painful thing is that the night was going so well. The previous night, at the dinner table, my mother and father had asked what I do for food when I travel and am away from the house, subtly implying that because I am a man, I am completely helpless. Let’s be real, I am completely useless. It’s no secret; I won’t deny it. Kate and StevO (my birth parents) will be the first to attest to this fact. However, I do know how to cook a thing or two. My parents here assumed that I paid to go to a restaurant every night I was away…which lately has been a lot. On a Peace Corps budget? Please!

I explained to them that the volunteers usually pitch in a manat or two and cook something together. My host father then asked what the male volunteers do while the females cook the meal. I quickly corrected them, explaining that we all try to contribute in the kitchen (or in the liquor department). My host mother, particularly, refused to believe that I could contribute in the kitchen in any way, shape, or form. She asked what we had cooked on my previous trip. When I told her we had cooked lentil fajitas, and that I had been in charge of cooking the lentils, she immediately challenged me to cook the same meal for the family the following night.

This takes us to the fateful night of January 12, 2011. The meal was a tremendous success. I made lentil fajitas and salsa. However, most of the way through cooking, my mother, who was watching me intently the whole time, informed me that I would be the only one eating the food because no one else wanted it. She would cook something else for the rest of the family. Clearly disheartened given that this feast I had prepared was nearly ready, she gave in and said she would “try” it. By the time the meal was over, not a scrap was left on the table, my family had asked me to cook pizza on Sunday, and the Azeri food she had prepared had not been touched! Not only was this a huge morale boost for myself, but I also think I taught them a valuable nutrition lesson. Almost all meals in this country, although delicious, are overwhelmed with massive amounts of butter, oil, and salt. This meal contained only a tablespoon of oil (to sauté the vegetables). I distinctly overheard my family afterwards discussing how amazing it was that none of their usual staples were used, yet it still tasted so good. Hopefully this lesson sticks…for their sake and mine!

Furthermore, women in this country spend a lot of time in this country cooking. This meal was so quick, easy, and cheap to make. I discussed with my host mother afterwards that she does not need to spend hours in the kitchen – that delicious and nutritious meals can be made in very little time and for very little money. This is an especially important lesson for a woman who works fulltime.

I digress, the night was going so well until I stepped into the now dreaded bathroom. I will spare you the details, but it seemed to happen in slow motion. The phone hit the ground and then conveniently bounced into the tiny hole that lay at my feet, falling to its final resting place. Take my word for it; there is NO possible way of retrieving it.

My hot family was wonderful about helping me…after about 10 minute of hysterical laughing. Phones are a volunteer’s lifeline here, not only to connect with other volunteers, but also to mobilize the community and organize clubs and events. It is an essential tool. My family assured me that it happens to Azeri’s more often than not. The next morning my friend Farid accompanied me to Zaqatala where I spent half of my month’s living allowance purchasing a new phone. Lesson learned!

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On a more positive note, my time in Balakan since my last post has been tremendously busy and exciting! The semblance of my own schedule is starting to slowly appear. On Monday I went into work with only ideas for clubs. It is now Thursday night and I currently have 8 clubs, including an exercise club for girls, an English club for the nurses at the Children’s Hospital, and 5 conversation clubs for students and adults of various proficiency levels. I have made tremendous contacts and things are really beginning to pick up. After going to various schools to introduce myself to classes, children are calling my name out in the streets and asking how I am in their usually broken English.

Some of my students have even begun presenting more long-term project ideas to me.

I have also made some Azeri friends who I hang out with outside of work (we go to teahouses and play soccer).

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In Brief:

-       I went to my first wedding (Toy in Azeri)! It was an Avar wedding. Avar is an ethnic group from Dagestan. My father is Avar and Avars are renowned for their weddings and their dancing. Not only was I required to dance every 5 minutes in front of the crowd of probably 300-400 people, I also had to give a brief speech, giving my blessing to the bride and groom, whom I did not know! The men I sat with also tried to hook me up with nearly every female at the wedding. The more vodka we drank, the more convinced they were that “this” girl was the girl for me! Funny how that works.

-       The Ministry of Youth and Sport hosted a trivia competition. 150 students from all of the schools in Balakan attended it. The minister wanted me to become acquainted with the region’s top students, so I mainly just served as an observer. However, I did give a speech, which was riddled with giggles from the crowd. I was also told “I love you” more than a few times as girls left the auditorium at the end of the competition. All in all, it was wonderful to see the passion that these kids have. They were so competitive, yet absolutely respectful of one another. The same cannot be said for all of the teachers! Although the event was not perfectly organized (I must admit that), some of the teachers were quite hot headed and a few even stormed out of the event with their students in tow, refusing to continue.

-       For my birthday, on the 8^th I met a number of volunteers in Mingechevir, a city about 3 hours south. My friend Erika shares the same birthday as me, and my other friend Dan’s birthday is the day before. About 10 of us crammed into an apartment and had a dance party following a night at the hookah bar. The next day I returned to my host family, where I was greeted with a warm shower, Plov (a meal usually reserved for special occasions), a bottle of champagne, and gifts from my host brother and cousin. It was truly a night to remember!

-       That same night I had a conversation with my host parents about what my birth mother does for a living. They were incredibly confused when I explained that she works for a company that helps to keep seniors independent. They were perplexed, asking where these seniors’ children were. “Why are they living alone? Why do they need your help? Where are their children? Why are their children not taking care of them [as is customary in this country]?” They were incredibly receptive as we discussed the differences in culture. I explained that in America, many seniors prefer to maintain their independence. I also explained how many parents encourage their children to leave, and that children are not necessarily expected to take care of their parents when they get older. I gave the example of my own life, and described how horrified my parents were when I presented the idea of living in their basement for the rest of my life!

Lastly, the other night I visited Trey’s family out in the village. Following an amazing meal, we went to a teahouse to meet some friends. To make a long story short, a number of bigger guys challenged me to an arm wrestling competition. Everyone put their money, on the other guys, while Trey, being the good friend that he is, bet on me. Trey’s loyalty was rewarded with a few manat profit and I gained a tremendous amount of respect!

The trail up the mountain (it begins 10 minutes from my house)

Solar eclipse we saw during our hike

With Abgul and Nazikat (sitting) at the wedding

Doing a little Avar dance!

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Happy Holidays from Balakan, Azerbaijan!!!

First things first, happy holidays to all! As I discussed in my last post, things are a little different here. It’s not that we don’t have the fanfare of the holiday season; it’s that the celebrations are for new years instead, which IS a very important holiday here. They do not celebrate Christmas, which is understandable given that it is a Muslim country. What doesn’t make sense is that Santa Claus has become some creepy fat guy that has no association with Christmas whatsoever. In fact, most people have never even heard of Christmas (Milad Bayrami in Azeri), which makes it even stranger when you hear classic Christmas songs like, oh I don’t know…”It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like CHRISTMAS” blasting from the outdoor speakers of every store in the city!!!

Anyway, my fellow volunteers have done an amazing job of making it feel as much like the holiday season as humanly possible! Christmas parties were arranged by AZ7s throughout the country. I went to Sheki with 40 other volunteers. Our weekend included a white elephant gift exchange, cheeseburgers and fries, pancakes, and a screening of Elf. It certainly was not like being at home eating my mom’s roast and taking Gretzky (my dog) to the beach, but it was a wonderful weekend all the same.

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Currently, I am still in that beginning stage of being at permanent site. I associate this initial stage with waiting. I’m busy, don’t get me wrong, but I wait on other people…A LOT. My goal right now is to meet as many people as possible; I’m keeping it simple. I have many meetings everyday, and I try to entertain every request to go somewhere and meet someone who heard of the new American in town. However, much of this socializing is associated with monotonous waiting. Dates and times are set, but they are often not met. People run late a lot, and occasionally they don’t shown up at all and give no explanation for their absence. I have no schedule of my own. My life is revolving around other people’s schedules right now. I knew to expect this, but it still can be difficult to manage, especially for a Peace Corps volunteer. We are prepared so well for our service. We go over a million scenarios, and talk ad nauseam about everything to expect at site. By the time training comes to an end, all we want to do is get to site and get started. However, once we get here, we quickly see exactly why we are here. Despite how enthusiastic and hopeful many of my counterparts are, we can’t just jump right in. If it were that easy, we would not be needed here in the first place. The ultimate vision of sustainability in all that we do means that patience and consideration are necessary above all else.

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Living in Balakan, so near to Russian, means that I hear a lot of Russian everyday. I hope to begin studying it once my Azeri improves. Every time my family switches to Russian at the dinner table, I nervously suspect that they are talking about me. I quickly realize that they could speak about me in Azeri and I STILL probably wouldn’t understand what they were saying!!! This is strangely comforting and depressing at the same time! Anyway, according to people from Balakan, Russia is apparently the international language, and it is assumed that everyone knows it. Let me give you an example.

Last weekend I took a bus from neighboring region Zaqatala back to Balakan. The bus was overfilled, and needless to say, like every other day of my new life, I stood out. A middle-aged man started talking to me. Once I responded to the first question in Azeri, other passengers realized that I wouldn’t bite and began speaking to me as well. The man cut in and began asking more questions, everything from how much money I make per year to why I still was not married considering my age (standard in this county). He then asked if I spoke Russian…a very easy question to understand. I gave the even easier response that I did not speak Russian, but spoke a little Azeri. It was as if I hadn’t said anything at all. He went on speaking to me in Russian as if I were Ivan Drago from Rocky 4. Despite my multiple attempts to explain that I DID NOT SPEAK RUSSIAN, he just went on giving me his life story in Russian. Eventually, another very kind Azeri man hit the guy in the arm and along with a phrase that I did not understand (but must learn!) frustratingly explained that the American did not speak Russian. The man dramatically turned back to me, looking as if he had just seen a ghost. “You don’t speak Russian? Every American speaks Russian. Everyone in the world understands Russian!” Incorrect my friend, I am sorry. The man finally, yet reluctantly, accepted my answer, although I assume he’ll be just as confused the next time he bumps into an American on a bus.

I suspect that such confusion stems from what people were taught during Soviet times, which I forget were not that long ago!

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On a final, hopefully amusing note, I wanted to explain one of the strangest and most ironic cultural differences I have experienced in this country. Because I am so close to Russian, my family has mostly Russian television channels. This has made this cultural paradox all the more evident. Azeri’s, in general, are very physically and sexually reserved people, especially out in the regions. Exposing bare legs, being shirtless, and showing too much public affection (between different sexes) is all really frowned upon. Because of this, Americans generally get a bad rap as being loose, moralless people. What I find amusing is that my family finds it perfectly acceptable to watch uncensored, “Most Shocking” Russian sensationalist programs that show everything from suicides to limbs being bit off by animals, yet when Leo kisses Kate on the bow of the Titanic, the entire family gives a disapproving shake of their heads and the channel is immediately changed, only to return to it 5 seconds later once the kiss is over. Seriously, everything from the most romantic to the most innocent and nonsexual, physical affection is a just a big “no-no”.  While watching TV at night, my family smirks when I turn white and nearly throw up because a man falls out of a moving car on the highway and gets run over by a Mac truck; that’s entertainment. However, when Princess Buttercup and Wesley kiss in the Princess Bride, now that’s just plain inappropriate!

I really like my new family, but this is one cultural difference I will NEVER understand.

The view of the moon from my house

This might be too small to see, but in this Azeri sports encyclopedia, it says the first ever hockey game was played between university students at a Montreal University in 1879. MCGILL!

The Heyday Aliyev statue

Don’t Get Lost in Azerbaijan!

This is tip #1. If you find yourself in Azerbaijan, no matter what you do, for the love of God, please DO NOT get lost!

I recently took a quick ½ day trip to a settlement (Yeni Sharif) just outside of Balakan City. I went with my counterpart and Abil. Abil had a driver for the day, but the driver was only vaguely familiar with the area and the location of the settlement. We drove in the general direction for about 15 minutes. At that point, we got to a 4-way intersection. Our driver knew enough about the area to be fairly certain that we were close, maybe 5 minutes away and to the left. We made the left-hand turn and continued down the road. Approximately 5 minutes later, we were stopped by a herd of cows crossing the street. Just to be certain that we were going to right way, the driver rolled down his window while waiting and very clearly asked if we were taking the right road to get to Yeni Sharif. The shopkeeper, an old, wise looking man replied, without hesitation, that the town was, in fact, back the other way and to the right. Figuring that he knew the area better than us, the driver pulled a “U-ey” and went back to the intersection to make the right-hand turn instead. 10 or so minutes later, it was clear that we had been given the wrong directions. Swearing to himself in Russian, the driver turned around and went back to the intersection. This time at the intersection, he asked a posse of 3 men sitting in front of a barbershop. It would seem that asking a group of people instead of just one, possibly misinformed, person is a better idea right? Wrong! The first man spoke up, but was quickly cut off by his friend. Based on the slap to the back of the head that he gave his comrade, it was clear that this second man knew better which way to go. They argued for a moment and then finally agreed on the correct direction. Right as we were about the leave, the 3^rd man spoke up, stating that both of the other men were wrong, and that Yeni Sharif was actually straight ahead at the intersection. Miraculously, the other two men instantly disregarded their original directions and agreed with the 3^rd man’s choice. We began to seriously doubt the intelligence of these 3 stooges, but we really had no choice. So, we tried our luck going straight at the intersection, our final option. It quickly became clear that we had been duped once again! Just about ready to drive over a chicken on the side of the road in order to let out his frustration, the driver decided to return to the intersection one more time and ask directions from a seemingly reputable individual that Sayarra, my counterpart, would pick out. We got to the intersection and Sayarra picked her target. The driver pulled up next to him, rolled down the window, and with some serious desperation now present in his voice, asked for directions one final time. This man, like all the men before him, answered with such certainty that the settlement was, in fact, back the way we originally came – towards Balakan City. Apparently, and the man found this highly amusing, 4 people (us) had managed to miss an entire town, driving right through it without noticing where we were! Our driver stuck nearly half his body out the window and I thought I was going to have to restrain him as yelled at the man. I don’t understand Russian, but he definitely yelled the equivalent of, “@#!$  %^&*@! YOU IDIOT #$&@%” It was reminiscent of every time I drove in a car with my mother (Love you ma)!!!

At this point, the driver made the executive decision to trust his original instincts and go left. Sure enough, right around the bend from where we had stopped for the cows was the GIANT sign for Yeni Sharif.

The moral of this story is: NEVER TRUST AN AZERI GIVING DIRECTIONS. I had been warned of this before, but had never experienced it myself. Apparently, and I am, of course, speaking generally, Azeris will never admit to not knowing where something is. They are not lying to you, and you should never ever take it as an insult, but Azeris very simply will make up directions if they don’t know. Maybe it’s to save face, maybe it’s perceived as rude to not give an inquisitor an answer; I don’t know. Either way, know 100% where you are going beforehand! THE END